ANSWER: FRIENDS, NOT FRIEND!
Over the years I have had a lot of friends. Really good ones, too, whose relationship with me has meant a lot in the long-term scheme of things in my life. But, I was never one to have just a single best friend. I liked having a lot of friends in my circle, not exclusivity with just one...except in the following instances.
CHILDHOOD: Anne Campbell
Anne was the closest I ever came to having a BFF when I was young. And it only lasted a few years in grade school, junior high, and then waned in high school as she went on to exclusively date just one different boy each of our high school years. That didn't leave a lot of room for girl friendships.
Anne and I had been inseparable for years before, during, and after school. We also spent the night a lot at each other's houses. Anne often went with my family on trips to the mountains and other vacations. It was a big loss for me when I didn't have her anymore to chum around with. I look back now from this perspective and see that I even grieved over the end of that BFF era. It hurt for a long period. But as time went on, I got used to it.
When we went away to college it was to different worlds. Anne went to the University of Wyoming. I went to Brigham Young University. However, after our freshman year we became close again that summer, and I convinced Anne to come to BYU with me for her Sophomore year. She did. But we didn't live close to each other, and not having been really active in the Church EVER in her life, and probably doing some "sorority stuff" while she was at Wyoming, she didn't feel comfortable and transferred back to Laramie for second semester. There she picked up with Mike McClesky from Rawlins and married him in our senior year.
In spite of all that lack of association following the sublime years of "girl friend" status, I still have great love for Anne. True fact, I have often wished she would somehow become interested in the gospel and come back to realize the Church is a big part of our journey here on earth. She isn't even close to anything like that at this time, though I wrote to her once about the illustrious church life one of her ancestors had as an early convert in the Church. He was Joel Hills Johnson who wrote one of the hymns we sing at our meetings. I learned a lot about his devout service and devotion as a missionary, and I shared that in a letter with Anne-- who never acknowledged it. She told me later she really didn't know what to say in response...so didn't.
Our interactions over the ensuing years have been at class reunions, and a couple of meet and greet opportunities when I have had layovers in Portland and she--AND Mike--have come to my hotel for a bite to eat. A few times we exchanged heartfelt letters, but mostly it's pretty superficial like exchanging birthday greetings and holiday cards. But I do still enjoy hearing from her.
YOUNG MARRIED THROUGH OLD AGE: Rosalie Hall
Rosalie moved to Arvada when Brice was two months old, and we had been living on Welch Court since he was a week old. She moved into one of the "big" Wood Brothers Homes straight up Ward Road hill--also on Welch Court. I don't know what got into my head, but the Halls were introduced at church as a new family in the ward, and I somehow got the idea to welcome Rosalie to the neighborhood.
It was a hot August day when I pushed Brice in the stroller and pulled nearly two-year old Harold along by the hand up steep Ward Road Hill in the blistering afternoon sun. I'm sure I took along some paltry plate of cookies or some such other offering to welcome them--not knowing Rosalie was one of the best cooks I would ever know in my lifetime.
I'm not sure what it was--my two darling blond boys, my audacity, or some other out of the ordinary thing that created some kind of connection which bonded over the years until it became one of those friendships that will move right with me into the eternities. I am grateful that a loving Heavenly Father recognizes the importance of good friends--forever! As that is what Rosalie is, my BFF and F.
It wasn't long before Rosalie and her family moved to the more prestigious Wood Brothers homes in an even newer neighborhood north of 72nd and West of Simms Street near the Grange building. But that didn't interfere with our bond. During the years I lived in Arvada we survived three or four ward boundary changes that kept us in the same ward. That last one divided us as to ward, but we were in the same stake and still close enough through that and Book Club to maintain and build more ties. They are eternal. Rosalie always had other close friendships with women more her own age. There were times I was even a teeny bit envious of those friendships. But for some reason ours is the one which has outlasted probably dozens of others in Colorado.
It was Rosalie who took me in her car during the "real" emergencies, including a trip to the hospital when Brice had croup. She watched my kids when I went to the hospital to have new babies, and we went to Wisconsin to Grandma Nichols' funeral. When Brice came home with a hole in his head and I went to pieces, it was Rosalie I called on the phone to know what to do. Her line was busy (we had no technology then to answer a different call when we were on the phone) so I bundled Brice into his coat, wrapped his head in a towel and biked him up to Rosalie's where she answered the door with the phone still in her hand. She cleansed the wound, shaved his head, and put a butterfly patch on it. At another time she picked up Harold from school when he was running on the playground and nearly knocked himself out when he ran into the flagpole at top speed and the school said to come and get him. She loaned me her car the very few times I was so desperate to go to a store or somewhere just by myself for thirty minutes.
She was always willing help in other ways, too. I had more strength in my legs because of the constant biking we did out of necessity, but Rosalie had strength in her arms and shoulders which I didn't have and she generously shoveled and even laid out decorative rock around our house.
Rosalie was working at Lutheran Hospital when Grandma Nichols was there so long before she died. She treated both Grandma and Grandpa with respect, though Grandpa's outbursts at doctors and staff made it difficult to deal with him. And, it was to her house we were invited for Thanksgiving dinner that year so Ross and I could spend maximum time at the hospital and the kids would be with someone and not at home alone.
We asked Rosalie to take care of our Secrest Court house the first couple of times we went away with Ball Corporation to Virginia and Sweden--maybe even New York, too. She bought the groceries we wanted from the States--including the Marlboro cigarettes and Coors beer the others insisted on having shipped if the Nichols got a box--packed it and the mail and regularly took those things up to Westminster for Ball to ship to us. She made our house appear lived in by changing the lights, watering the lawn, and shoveling the snow for months and months and month into years. She even described to me over the phone one day what the house looked like inside because we had only camped out in it six days before we left for Virginia. I couldn't even remember.
For all those things she did for me--and there were far more than can even fit into a suitcase--it was I who listened endlessly to long one-sided conversations when she needed to let off steam from challenges with her employment, her calling, or just had a need to talk to someone who usually didn't cross her or her ideas with argument or challenge. I was there when the sad events in her own life unfolded, a silent support in her trials at that time. Rosalie knew she had a listening ear and sensitive heart in me.
I was the one Rosalie asked to speak at the day-long Young Women event she was in charge of for the stake when Harold and Brice were just little. Years later I was her choice for Stake Relief Society Counselor even though we were living in Berlin. She told President Rockwood she would shoulder the burden of her calling AND mine if they would wait until the Nichols Family returned so they could extend that calling to me and we could work together in the Arvada Stake Relief Society Presidency.
As extension of me, it was Ross they relied on for the mechanical things they needed done with their cars, the rescuing of their teen age sons when it involved a broken car, and other jobs that only Ross was uniquely suited for. But in return Rosalie was always generous with her gifts as cook. There was the crock pot full of spaghetti and all the accompaniments for supper one night as thanks for Ross' expertise--and the crock pot was ours! A real gift which I had wanted for a long time. There were "Rosalie's Rolls" and a myriad of other recipes she brought to us or served to us over the years.
Probably because Rosalie is 11 years older than I, I always thought of her more like one of my older sisters. Only this "sister" saw me as an equal, not as a "little sister". My children love Rosalie and have fond memories of their own about her and her special treatment of them. They wanted her to cater their weddings. They asked for her recipes. They were proprietary about her with other kids in the ward. They thought of her as their "aunt" with a capital "A", as they never had a real aunt that filled such a beautiful place in their lives. They still inquire after her.
She was my Yin. I was her Yang.
But it was her absolute compassion and care for me--and for us all--when Jeremy died that will be her crowning glory when judgement day comes. Their family was on vacation when they heard the news about Jeremy. No question but that they cut the vacation short and came straight to the hospital, arriving just minutes before Jeremy died.
Rosalie will hold a place in the Celestial Kingdom for sure because of the hours and hours of love she extended--day, night, weeks and months--with never a trite "Everything will be fine" or "He's in a better place" or anything but a sincere and loving, "I know you are hurting and I care how you feel."
Rosalie moved to Farmington, Utah, a few years ago. She's in her mid-eighties now and still cares for her 50 plus daughter whose ski injuries some years ago have left her unable to live on her own. Plus, Rosalie's husband Darrell has some real health problems, as well, for which Rosalie has to make up the difference. Some of her illnesses make it difficult for her to hold a pen and write, but we keep in touch now and then. Sometimes more often than others. But she still remembers how Jeremy loved elephants, so she remembers me with something about them--a card or a stuffed animal or the like--now and then, as well. I am always happy when I received something in the mail addressed to "Georgialita" because I know it is from "Rosalita", my BFF and F.
BEST FRIEIND NEIGHBOR I EVER HAD: Cathy Callahan
When we pulled the Mustang up in front of the house at 7328 Secrest Court in Arvada, and our five kids spilled out onto the driveway, a woman about my age came running over from her yard next door to ask us breathlessly if we were the new neighbors.
Thus began the relationship I have had with Cathy Callahan for almost the past 39 years. I learned from Cathy how to be a neighbor. I didn't have a clue before that. My mother had not been one to traipse around the neighborhood visiting with this woman or that woman during the morning hours. She was at home doing the stupendous work that came with having a large family. I followed in her footsteps.
When we lived on Welch Court, I watched--while I was doing my own stupendous amount of work-- as the neighbors gathered at one front porch or another to have a cup of coffee or just sit on the stoop in good weather and visit. That was foreign to me. I was definitely "an ounce of morning is worth a pound of afternoon" kind of person. Lollygagging like that for an hour or two when there were jobs to be done just made me weary when finally they HAD to be confronted. Best to get up and get things done before I talked myself out of them (like I do now in 2018--HAHAHA!).
But with Cathy I learned how to adjust my outlook and open my arms--and the door to the food storage room--when she would call and ask me "Is this the Nichols Grocery Store"? We always laughed at the something she had forgotten to purchase--but we had on the shelf. We reciprocated on many things--as did Ross and Tom. Ross did all their fixing of sprinklers, machinery, garage doors, etc. in return for allowing us to use their power yard tools like the roto-tiller and other machines too expensive for us to purchase at that time.
Cathy didn't stop to see whether I wanted to be friends or not, she just assumed I did. And we moved forward from that premise. It was a long-term commitment for both of us. Through thick and thin.
The Callahan boys were the same ages as Harold, Brice, and Burgandy. So, we had some built in neighborhood friendships, though Cathy drove them every day to Campbell School and they had friends from there instead of from Stott like our kids. So, the kids weren't "best" friends.
We had only "camped out" in the house for six days before we left to live in Virginia where Schuyler was born a few weeks later, but when we returned the following year, it seemed there was no gap in our friendship. The same when we went to Sweden and then to upstate New York. Cathy and I just picked up where we left off every time our family returned to our Secrest Court house.
Then when Cathy made that historic ride to St. Anthony Central Hospital with me and Ross in the Mustang, careening down McIntyre Street at 60 miles an hour HOPING to get picked so we could have a police escort while we were on our way for Brittany's birth, that pretty much cemented the "forever" part of the friendship between us.
Cathy was in the delivery room with me when Britty was born, so Britty was her special person. She hosted a fun baby shower when we came home from the hospital and always made a fuss over Britty. Cathy freaked when Britty was in the playpen on our back porch and the boys found a snake in the bushes. She was always delighted to see the baby and always made a fuss over her, continuing even when Britty had her own family.
Cathy arranged movie dates for our two families of kids so they could see the big ones like "Annie". And the day she took all of us to the airport when we left for Berlin, she fed us a yummy breakfast including her pecan rolls which have become a staple in the Nichols Family Eats cookbook.
It was a sad day the following year when we learned the Callahans were going to be moving to Philadelphia just before we returned from Berlin. Their house was empty for a long time before someone bought it, and it seemed even more lonesome for no one being there.
Then Jeremy died and Cathy was ready to jump on a plane and come as soon as she heard. But I asked her to wait until after all the others had forgotten about the life-changing events that had happened to our family. So, she did. She came to spend a week with the kids when Ross and I went back to Berlin for three weeks when he had to do some work there in August 1987.
It was during that time that something I had written in my journal about her husband came to light, and she decided she didn't want to have anything to do with me. I was crushed! I was devastated. I pleaded, cried, begged forgiveness, said I was sorry. All to no avail.
I wrote to her every month during the next year telling her about what was happening on our end. No response. Finally I told her I wouldn't write any more. I didn't.
Later when I went to work at Data National, we often went to Philadelphia on business. I arranged to go see her on one of those work visits. I called to ask if I could come. I was apprehensive. And surprised when she said I could. We were cordial to each other, but not close. She told me all about her work there with the Red Cross.
Some time later, a couple years perhaps, I got a wedding invitation from them for their oldest son who was getting married in Rock Springs. I drove up by myself to Green River and stayed with my sister and husband so I could attend the wedding that Saturday. I was the only person on the "Groom's Side". It was like old times--we laughed, we talked, we were giddy.
Then after ten years in Philadelphia, the Callahans moved back to Arvada to one of their rental houses. Bit by bit we rebuilt our friendship into a solid foundation of loving concern and true sisterhood one lunch at a time.
Cathy is no longer a religious skeptic but a person who in her own words, "finally picked up the phone when God called". She and Tom had been life-long Catholics, attending Parochial School and even a Catholic College. But she used to be quick to tell me--Recovering Catholic. Now that is behind her. She is active in her parish, heavily into service in the community, and very quick to volunteer when people need a lift, a push, a loving pat--or anything else. She loves the Lord and knows He has a place in her life, guiding her and caring for her and her family.
When the Fort Collins Temple open house began, Cathy came with me on the very first day and loved seeing all the beauty and spiritual impress of the paintings and the purposes. I invited her to a community Mormon/Catholic discourse on politics. She accepted. We can talk "gospel".
She came on a "tour for one" to my Nativity open house and spent over an hour, lingering at each display and delighting in the presentation and the expressions on faces and the arrangement of figures. Afterward she wrote me a special note :
"What a wonderful tribute your display is to the Lord and how your love of Him may inspire others after seeing the article in the news and visiting your home. You have touched many hearts this Christmas season and have done what Christ asks of all of us--to share and spread His word and love to His people."
Last May her husband Tom died just three days before their 50th wedding anniversary. She has been challenged by having to raise a teen-aged grandson, too. But, she is still active in her church and the community, though she told me recently over lunch that after she sets her grandson Drew on his way, she thinks she is ready to be with Tom. It hasn't been a year yet. And I know that year anniversary is a tough one. Maybe she will feel differently in time.
As for me, I still want her around. Cathy has been the best neighbor I've ever had. BFN I look forward to the lunches we schedule about every two months.
When we lived on Welch Court, I watched--while I was doing my own stupendous amount of work-- as the neighbors gathered at one front porch or another to have a cup of coffee or just sit on the stoop in good weather and visit. That was foreign to me. I was definitely "an ounce of morning is worth a pound of afternoon" kind of person. Lollygagging like that for an hour or two when there were jobs to be done just made me weary when finally they HAD to be confronted. Best to get up and get things done before I talked myself out of them (like I do now in 2018--HAHAHA!).
But with Cathy I learned how to adjust my outlook and open my arms--and the door to the food storage room--when she would call and ask me "Is this the Nichols Grocery Store"? We always laughed at the something she had forgotten to purchase--but we had on the shelf. We reciprocated on many things--as did Ross and Tom. Ross did all their fixing of sprinklers, machinery, garage doors, etc. in return for allowing us to use their power yard tools like the roto-tiller and other machines too expensive for us to purchase at that time.
Cathy didn't stop to see whether I wanted to be friends or not, she just assumed I did. And we moved forward from that premise. It was a long-term commitment for both of us. Through thick and thin.
The Callahan boys were the same ages as Harold, Brice, and Burgandy. So, we had some built in neighborhood friendships, though Cathy drove them every day to Campbell School and they had friends from there instead of from Stott like our kids. So, the kids weren't "best" friends.
We had only "camped out" in the house for six days before we left to live in Virginia where Schuyler was born a few weeks later, but when we returned the following year, it seemed there was no gap in our friendship. The same when we went to Sweden and then to upstate New York. Cathy and I just picked up where we left off every time our family returned to our Secrest Court house.
Then when Cathy made that historic ride to St. Anthony Central Hospital with me and Ross in the Mustang, careening down McIntyre Street at 60 miles an hour HOPING to get picked so we could have a police escort while we were on our way for Brittany's birth, that pretty much cemented the "forever" part of the friendship between us.
Cathy was in the delivery room with me when Britty was born, so Britty was her special person. She hosted a fun baby shower when we came home from the hospital and always made a fuss over Britty. Cathy freaked when Britty was in the playpen on our back porch and the boys found a snake in the bushes. She was always delighted to see the baby and always made a fuss over her, continuing even when Britty had her own family.
Cathy arranged movie dates for our two families of kids so they could see the big ones like "Annie". And the day she took all of us to the airport when we left for Berlin, she fed us a yummy breakfast including her pecan rolls which have become a staple in the Nichols Family Eats cookbook.
It was a sad day the following year when we learned the Callahans were going to be moving to Philadelphia just before we returned from Berlin. Their house was empty for a long time before someone bought it, and it seemed even more lonesome for no one being there.
Then Jeremy died and Cathy was ready to jump on a plane and come as soon as she heard. But I asked her to wait until after all the others had forgotten about the life-changing events that had happened to our family. So, she did. She came to spend a week with the kids when Ross and I went back to Berlin for three weeks when he had to do some work there in August 1987.
It was during that time that something I had written in my journal about her husband came to light, and she decided she didn't want to have anything to do with me. I was crushed! I was devastated. I pleaded, cried, begged forgiveness, said I was sorry. All to no avail.
I wrote to her every month during the next year telling her about what was happening on our end. No response. Finally I told her I wouldn't write any more. I didn't.
Later when I went to work at Data National, we often went to Philadelphia on business. I arranged to go see her on one of those work visits. I called to ask if I could come. I was apprehensive. And surprised when she said I could. We were cordial to each other, but not close. She told me all about her work there with the Red Cross.
Some time later, a couple years perhaps, I got a wedding invitation from them for their oldest son who was getting married in Rock Springs. I drove up by myself to Green River and stayed with my sister and husband so I could attend the wedding that Saturday. I was the only person on the "Groom's Side". It was like old times--we laughed, we talked, we were giddy.
Then after ten years in Philadelphia, the Callahans moved back to Arvada to one of their rental houses. Bit by bit we rebuilt our friendship into a solid foundation of loving concern and true sisterhood one lunch at a time.
Cathy is no longer a religious skeptic but a person who in her own words, "finally picked up the phone when God called". She and Tom had been life-long Catholics, attending Parochial School and even a Catholic College. But she used to be quick to tell me--Recovering Catholic. Now that is behind her. She is active in her parish, heavily into service in the community, and very quick to volunteer when people need a lift, a push, a loving pat--or anything else. She loves the Lord and knows He has a place in her life, guiding her and caring for her and her family.
When the Fort Collins Temple open house began, Cathy came with me on the very first day and loved seeing all the beauty and spiritual impress of the paintings and the purposes. I invited her to a community Mormon/Catholic discourse on politics. She accepted. We can talk "gospel".
She came on a "tour for one" to my Nativity open house and spent over an hour, lingering at each display and delighting in the presentation and the expressions on faces and the arrangement of figures. Afterward she wrote me a special note :
"What a wonderful tribute your display is to the Lord and how your love of Him may inspire others after seeing the article in the news and visiting your home. You have touched many hearts this Christmas season and have done what Christ asks of all of us--to share and spread His word and love to His people."
Last May her husband Tom died just three days before their 50th wedding anniversary. She has been challenged by having to raise a teen-aged grandson, too. But, she is still active in her church and the community, though she told me recently over lunch that after she sets her grandson Drew on his way, she thinks she is ready to be with Tom. It hasn't been a year yet. And I know that year anniversary is a tough one. Maybe she will feel differently in time.
As for me, I still want her around. Cathy has been the best neighbor I've ever had. BFN I look forward to the lunches we schedule about every two months.
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