AS PART OF MY AETNA HEALTH INSURANCE POLICY, I HAVE TO HAVE AN IN-HOME HEALTH SCREENING ONCE A YEAR.
I had mine for 2026 last week. It was the same old, same old questions Medicare insists the health-care professional asks each time about how I am getting along in life--balance, diet, exercise, blah blah blah blah blah! Wouldn't it be kind of refreshing if just once the exam went something like this and I was asking the questions?
Anyway, I read this little "funny" somewhere years ago and kept it for a good laugh now and then. I hope it kind of tickles you, too. Do not remember the source. Sorry!
If you’ve ever had a question about what is really healthy as
far as food and diets are concerned, I did a little research on the subject and
found these invaluable insights through a series of questions and answers. Read on for more enlightenment…
Q: I’ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?
A: Your heart is only good
for so many beats, and that’s it…Don’t waster them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live
longer; that’s like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it
faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.
Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn.
And what are these?
Vegetables. So a steak is nothing
more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain?
Eat Chicken. Beef is also a good
source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you
100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat,
your ratio is one to one. If you have
two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A:
Can’t think of a single one, sorry.
My philosophy is: No Pain…Good!
Q: Aren’t fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU’RE NOT LISTENING!!!... Foods are fried
these days in vegetable oil. In fact,
they’re permeated in it. How could
getting more vegetables be bad for you?
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets
bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups
if you want a bigger stomach.
Q:
Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It’s the best feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming
good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain
whales to me.
Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! “Round” is a shape!
Well,
I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and
diets. And remember: “Life should NOT be a journey to the grave
with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body,
but rather to skid in sideways—donut in one hand, chocolate in the other, body
thoroughly used up, totally worn out and yet you’re screaming, “WOO HOO! WHAT A RIDE!”
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