While I was writing a letter to a friend not too long ago, I wanted to address a comment she made about her newly married daughter now moving into the realm of "friend" instead of parent/child. Her observation hit a memory chord, and I wanted to share with her a comment which one of my own children once said about the transition of our relationship from parent/child to friend a few years ago. I couldn't remember exactly how he put it, but I knew exactly where to find what he said.
It was in the "book" my kids gave me when I turned 60 years old in 2005. Apparently, Brittany came up with the idea and spear-headed the project by having each write twelve things about me. (Some of those 12 were written by grandchildren.) Brittany then turned those comments over to Burgandy who cleverly compiled them into a loose-leaf binder. Hence the title: "60 REASONS WHY MOM IS THE BEST".
It didn't take long to find the heart-warming note Harold wrote. It was #22.
"Mom is always there when you need help and even when you don't . I remember many instances when I was in college when I just wanted to talk to someone. I would pick up the phone, sometimes at 11 or 12 at night, and would call Mom just to talk or ask her advice. My college experience was metamorphic for me because it was the time when my mom turned from being my mom to being my friend who is my mom."
After I finished the letter I was writing, I decided to re-read the "book".
Wow! What a wonderful person I was! My children pulled out all the stops and lauded me in so many different ways...even my cooking, which was never more than basic and sometimes subpar.
Brice said I was approachable and got along with all of his high school friends who enjoyed being in our home.
I helped out now and then by taking care of toddler Orion and picking up older sister Chardonnay from school when Burgandy was sick. And I even lived 30 minutes away!
Didn't matter I might not have a clue what he was talking about, Schuyler wrote that I was always willing and interested to talk about his interests and passions.
"...putting you in my pocket" was the expression Brittany remembered me saying when she had a test or something important going on in her life. Like a supporting hug long distance.
Here are some others:
- Mom is fun, a great supporter, considerate, thoughtful, a good listening ear, made each feel like an only child, created a warm and inviting house, had all the family join in the fun events even if they are not there in person, always said "I love you" and "I am proud of you".
- Took risks to make sure her kids were happy. A hard worker. Exemplified a love of the gospel. Small presents and cards arriving at just the right time. Saw the humor in embarrassing situations. Free with compliments. Always stayed in touch on a regular basis whether by phone or mail. Creative with a limited budget by staging home-made everything--holiday parties, games, and fun Family Home Evenings.
- Then there were comments about compassion, helping others feel their own worth, donating to all kinds of service and humanitarian projects, and making it a priority to spend time with her grand kids. Sharing what my work itinerary was going to be for my next trip with United.
- They mentioned my personal strength during trials. Being in tune with their feelings and trials. A great teacher in class and in life. A good homemaker. A savvy dresser. Full of facts and knowledge to help in proofing papers and with homework.
- And...I was a real person who blew up when pushed to limits but also able to rejoice when something good happened to me.
And on and on and on. Good, loving comments all from the perspective of children still not so many years from that basic Nichols Family experience.
But where did THAT person they commented about go in the almost 15 years since that wonderful gift from my children and grandchildren? I am saddened that so many of their opinions are no longer descriptive of the person I have become. I hardly even remember the person they were talking about as they wrote fondly from their memories.
I know all of our circumstances have changed.
My work schedule made it more and more difficult to have that annual super summer spectacular, as well as the monthly Nichols Family Home Evenings at Sweetbriar.
My children have faced some pretty daunting experiences of their own with health, employment, and relationships. Their time has been taken up with making a living and making that living worthwhile. Their children grew up and as they did, the focus for each rightly centered on the nucleus of their own families.
After reading over the several pages in that precious binder, I am reminded that LIFE will never remain the same as it once was--even though it seemed at the time it would always be thus. I am saddened at some of the changes, but hope that the years ahead will give another opportunity to re-establish some of those personal and family ideals that made us uniquely NICHOLS.
So, I'm putting on a happy face and looking forward to perhaps re-establishing some of those great traits my children remarked on when I was still a "youngster" of 60!
It could happen.....
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