Though we didn't get to be neighbors for very long in the beginning--we left for Virginia six days after we signed the papers on the house--in the ensuing months that we actually DID live in the house Cathy and I established a friendship that has turned out to be long and lasting in spite of a few bumps along the way.
One of the first things Cathy addressed was our being Mormons. She said she wanted to know more about our religion because it was interesting to know what other people believed. Cathy said she had once asked her Jewish neighbors the same kind of question--just for information.
Cathy and Tom were Catholics. They were born into their religion and attended Parochial school their whole lives as well as graduating from a Catholic university. However, by that time in their lives they referred to themselves as RC: Recovering Catholics. They were very active in their local Arvada parish, The Spirit of Christ at 80th and Wadsworth, but they really didn't believe to be necessarily true everything the Catholic Church taught . They were in a movement of members who had decided they no longer supported some of the Catholic Church's teachings.
So in telling Cathy about the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I made the mistake a lot of members make. Instead of answering her question briefly with statements straight from the Articles of Faith, so to speak, I gave TOO MUCH INFORMATION concluding that someday we would all be gods providing we lived worthily.
Cathy looked at me in amazement and said, "Do you really buy into that?" I said I did. She then told me it was a lot to swallow and kind of "over the top". In fact she shared with me that she believed in reincarnation. I thought THAT was pretty "far out"!
Years ago when I was giving my TMI spiel to Cathy about Mormonism, I never in my wildest dreams thought there would be an opportunity to take my friend to the temple someday. Over the ensuing decades I pretty much steered clear of the subject of religion, but we had a wonderful friendship. Cathy was a good neighbor--and she taught ME how to be a good neighbor, too.
When Britty was born, Cathy was in the delivery room with me. The Callahans had told us they would watch our kids when we went to the hospital, and they did. Until 9 pm when Ross and I got home with NO baby! Dr. Conner told me there was going to be no baby for hours, so I might as well go home and be comfortable.
Be comfortable when you are in the throes of labor?!?!?! I don't think so! And to prove it I constantly walked all through the house, up and down stairs, around the house, out in the yard...until I finally could take it no longer and called the doctor to ask if I could go back to the hospital. When I called Callahans about 11 pm to see if they could please watch the kids once more, Cathy told me that she could tell by my breathing that I was in "transition" and I would never make it to the hospital. (She worked in the Midwifery program at Rose Medical Center.) Ross asked if I wanted to call 911 and have the paramedics come so the baby could be born at home...or try to make it to the hospital. I opted for the wild ride to the hospital that ensued immediately. Cathy volunteered to accompany us and help me breathe so the baby wouldn't be born in the car.
I have described before how Cathy sat in the back seat of the Mustang while I tried to sit, without actually sitting, in the front seat as Ross drove 60 miles an hour down McIntyre Street hoping he WOULD get picked up so we could have a police escort to St. Anthony Central Hospital which was about 30-40 minutes away. And THAT is how Cathy was in the delivery room with me because Ross opted to let HER help me breathe). I am sure it was because of that circumstance that Cathy has always had such a soft spot for Britty, even now.
The Callahans moved to Philadelphia while we were living in Berlin, but that didn't end the friendship. The big boys spent time there for a visit on our way back to Colorado, as did I the following year just a couple of weeks before Jeremy died. When Cathy heard the sad news of Jeremy's death, she was ready to get on a plane and come to the funeral to be with us. Instead I asked her to come later when other people had forgotten all about what had happened, and I would need some comfort. But what finally happened was that she came to stay for a week with the kids when Ross and I went to Berlin in August for his work, just as we had planned for nine months.
Something happened while she was at the house, though, which altered the friendship. Cathy said she had "accidentally" read in my journal about my earlier visit to Philadelphia wherein I had criticized Tom for being distant and acting superior. She decided she wasn't interested in being friends any more.
I was devastated! I begged. I apologized. I begged forgiveness. I cried! But nothing. She was stoic. I determined to write her a friendly letter every month just to keep her in the loop of my life, hoping she would relent and let me in the loop of hers. But after a year had passed with no response, I wrote to her that I would cease writing but never cease being her friend.
At that time I had been keeping a daily journal for many years. At the end of each year I would list: "It was a very good year..." and then recount why. I also recounted the whys on my list for "It was a very bad year...."
In 1987 there were nineteen entries of solid reasons it was a very good year. There were only two huge entries for the "It was a very bad year ..." recount. Number one on the list--"Jeremy died." Number two on the list--"Cathy Callahan read my journal (invaded my privacy) and then took offense where no offense was intended. Every other 'bad' thing paled in comparison to the first two items."
A few years later when I was back in the work force as the National Account Manager for Data National, I went on a lot of business trips to Philadelphia. On one of them I called Cathy and told her I would like to visit. She accepted my self-invitation, and I drove to Bucks County to see the Callahans. It was strained, but there was some of the old friendship that came shining through.
Even more years later I received an invitation to Doug's wedding in Rock Springs, Wyoming. I was there to his wedding--the only person on the "Groom's Side" of the church. My effort to go or something transformed everything, and it was like old times with Cathy. We were almost giddy during that visit. In 1997 when the Callahans moved back to Colorado, Cathy called me and asked me to have lunch with her. The friendship picked up where it had left off before that sad summer of Jeremy's death. Consequently, we have had lunch together many, many times. And in the last four or five years it's been about every other month.
Still, I resisted the topic of religion but could not help notice that her conversations were sprinkled with references to the Lord answering prayers, tender mercies that convinced her God was in the everyday of our lives, and statements that revealed a serious application of personal charity as she and Tom volunteered in soup kitchens and she assisted those in need by reading to them, purchasing groceries, and providing other kinds of desperately needed help for those who could not do for themselves.
One day a few years ago while lunching with Cathy, I finally got brave enough to broach the subject of her current closeness to God. So I asked, "The last time we had a conversation about religion, you were a Recovering Catholic. What changed?" And this was the heartfelt reply. "This time when God called, I picked up the telephone." Ever since that lunch date we have had profoundly spiritual conversations every time we have been together. We pretty much believe the same things....we agree it was all one gospel in the beginning with God. However, she is not ready/interested in changing her religion. Basically, all she lacks is a testimony that we have a living prophet who holds the keys of the Priesthood on the earth today. She reveres the Pope. And she should as he is doing what he can to sustain and maintain Catholic gospel in the same world we do daily battle in for those who have forgotten or no longer see that there is a God who directs the affairs of our lives and that commandments aren't up for negotiation. That same God who watches over us and expects us to keep eternal laws that are an important part of the Great Plan of Happiness. She doesn't yet understand that infant baptism is wrong, but she knows that baptism and confirmation are very critical in a religious belief. And she believes in life after death--as the same person she was here. I think from some of the information Cathy has shared with me, that when she had that brain tumor when they first moved back from Philadelphia, she faced leaving this life and decided to come back. She believes her life was spared so she could raise her 16 year old grand son who has been with them for the last two years. I think she may be correct.
So, I wasn't apprehensive or nervous when I issued an invitation for Cathy to accompany me on a tour of the new Fort Collins Temple during the open house this month. In fact she replied with great enthusiasm, telling me what an honor it was to be invited--that she was definitely looking forward to it.
We spent a lovely hour at the temple last week in pouring rain, but the wet didn't dampen her awe of the beauty and simple majesty of the inside of the temple and the interest she had in family searches for ancestors, baptisms for deceased family members, and the doctrine of eternal families. She was worried about me when she learned that Ross and I had been sealed together so our family could be a "forever family". What would happen to me now? I assured her that I long ago turned that over to the Lord and wasn't worried. I knew HE would take care of everything.
All in all I was very happy that my very most favorite next door neighbor in my entire life said yes to my invitation to see the temple. I was excited for her to go knowing that over the years we have been friends, she must have had some questions about what we believed and what we did at church. Plus a peek into to the chapel at the Trilby building where the temple tour starts enabled her to envision where our worship services are held every Sunday. I think the whole experience gave Cathy much to reflect on, particularly since she "picked up the phone and began talking to God again."
Not only did I love to see the temple last week, I loved taking my friend there, too.
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