#52 Stories of Me: My Relationship with My Mother (week 22)

Number 22 on the list of #52 Stories of ME! asks the question “What is the best thing about your relationship with your mother?”

The answer is so multitudinous I can hardly even begin to make a list. There are so many “bests”.  Things like having fun together, her being my mentor as I was growing up and learning how to clean and make my surroundings inviting.  Her teaching me the basics of how to play the organ, her expertise as a seamstress when I was stumped with some sewing project—both when I was in 4-H and later as a young mother who had to make many of my children’s clothing.  More than these situations, though, I valued her input for many other endeavors wherein I needed an experienced opinion. I always respected her knowledge and ability as a homemaker.  

Also, having a listening ear when I came home from school was a big part of our relationship.  Mom was interested in hearing about my school day, and she always kept the confidences I shared with her.  She welcomed my friends into our home pampering, them as she did me.                                                                                                                                          I loved when she went as a chaperone on outings with the young women of our congregation. All the girls and leaders loved her and looked up to her, too.   And I was glad that she was always willing to make treats or a special dessert whenever I had volunteered to take something for a party.  I was proud, not only of her finished effort, but also of the classy way she presented it.

This list doesn’t even begin to exhaust the things I loved about my mother and my relationship with her.

About 15 years ago I wrote a little blurb about this relationship in the Nichols Family Newsletter that I created each month for my children.  It was the May 2005 edition, and I attempted to envision what I would choose to do if I could spend an entire day together with my mom.  That was the subject of an early morning radio talk show I had listened to on my way to work.  I began the article for the Newsletter with a little back-story about some of the special times I shared with my mother.  Here is what I wrote…

“I was the youngest of nine, born when my parents were 43 years old.  I had a lot of opportunities to spend entire days alone together with my mother.  After I got over the initial “homesickness” of missing my last sibling when she left to go to high school in Salt Lake City the year I was ten, I began to really enjoy the times my mother and I were home alone together.  Since my dad was often gone for 24 hours or more at a time for his work on the railroad, those were the times we “goofed off”.  My dad wasn’t too keen on horseplay, so we saved the fun time for when he was at work.  I don’t remember all that we did, but I do remember that we often played tricks on each other and enjoyed each other’s company.  I thought of my mother as my friend.

As I got older and in high school, I still enjoyed my mother’s company, but I spent a lot of time with my friends leaving my mother home alone to sew or watch TV while both my dad and I were gone.  One night I was invited to a dance—and it was her birthday.  My dad was gone on his railroad assignment, and my mother asked me if I would please stay home with her and bake her a birthday cake.  I was a “snot”, telling her if she wanted a birthday cake, she should bake it herself as she was a far better cook than I was.  And I went to the dance.  I have felt bad about that many times in years since. 

However, there were some really great times I DID have with her during those teenaged years, too. 

When I was getting ready to go to Brigham Young University for my Freshman year, I wanted some fabulous clothes to take with me. My hometown of Rawlins, Wyoming, didn’t have any great selection of “cool clothes” for sure.  So, we planned a trip to Casper, Wyoming, (about 150 miles to the north of Rawlins) to go shopping. It necessitated an overnight stay which my dad generously said he would pay for, as well as the gas for my car.

This was in the late summer of 1964 before department store chains like Mervyn’s, Kohl’s, Foley’s, Dillard’s and the specialty stores now like Gap and Banana Republic and all the rest which homogenize the country with exactly the same thing in every store in every city.  Casper was big enough to have some nice dress shops, and different enough selections from the clothes in Utah and California to make me stand out just a little from the rest of the girls that year at BYU.

There was a little nest egg of money I had saved from my summer job cleaning rooms at the Bucking Horse Lodge motel, and my mother encouraged me on that shopping trip to buy fun things for my dorm room and cute clothes, too.  I was surprised at her contemporary tastes!  The most memorable purchase was a beige and brown wool plaid “paper doll” coat—this was the 60’s and much in style—with a fur collar.  I don’t remember any of the other clothes, but I remember I felt so stylish when I arrived at BYU.  And, I felt especially stylish when I wore that coat.  Lots of compliments, too!

I had such great memories of that trip, in fact, I decided I would like to repeat it a couple of years later.  So, once again my mother and I made an overnight trip to Casper to shop for college clothes for me.  One restaurant we ate at had paper placemats printed with the different brands for local ranches.  There were instructions how to read those brands and also how to make up your own brand. 

We laughed over the “brands” we concocted like the “Lazy Bar H”, the “Rocking G”, and the “M Side Bar M”.  (Interpretation:  Lazy Bar H—the H was lying horizontal instead of vertical, obviously because I could sometimes be really lazy!  Rocking G was a capital G with a rocker underneath the letter.  Also in reference to me.  M  Bar M was my mom—her first and middle names:  Maude dash Marie.)

That was the shopping trip I purchased the Fall-1966 color-of-the-season- Burgundy wardrobe.  Coat, Hat, linen dress with lace bodice overlay and tiny buttons, sweater dress, and other burgundy-colored items.  Oh, I was stylin’ that year back at BYU!

But, if I had an entire day alone with my mother now, the first thing I would do would be to bake her a cake—lemon with a hard chocolate-shell frosting that she liked so much.  Then I would ask her to tell me more about her girlhood, and being a young mother, and how she coped when her kids all grew up and went their separate ways.  And I would definitely ask her about my brother Harold and how she managed the grief of his accidental death.  I would want her to open her cedar chest and share with me all the things she thought were special enough to tuck away in there.  

                                                I would have her sing “Poor Babes in the Wood” to me once again.  That one was sad and always made me cry.  She didn’t have a good singing voice.  It was thin and reedy, but when she sang that song and others I heard over and over as I was growing up, I thought she was a wonderful singer. 

Perhaps I would treat her to lunch—she didn’t get  to eat out very often.  And I would maybe like to go to the temple with her one more time.  I just know I would like to make it a positive, meaningful, and memorable day together.”

Looking back now, I know there were not enough of those special days spent with her—just my mom and I.  And, if I had it to do over, I would be smart enough to remember this little quote and invite my mother to hang with me one more time.

“Keeping it all in perspective means that sometimes we put everything down, look into the eyes of the ones we love, and say, ‘Let’s spend some time together today—what would you like to do?’”