"TO BE, OR NOT TO BE"

I've been thinking a lot about Shakespeare lately, specifically how so many things he wrote are gospel centric.  And in particular I have been pondering this well-known phrase "TO BE, OR NOT TO BE" that has become so commonplace, it is used in a plethora of situations both serious and humorous around the world.

I know without even being conscious about it, every day I have either chosen to be--or or not to be--my better self.  And lots of times I failed.  My temper got the best of me.  I raised my voice.  I argued because I thought I was right.  I was not very compassionate. Etc. Etc. Etc.  But today, I am thinking about "to be, or not to be" as it relates to my whole life. 

 There has been a lot said in the last few years about making a "bucket list" of things to do--before you kick the bucket.  I have had a few items in that proverbial bucket myself, including a trip to South America which I have wanted to do since I studied about that continent when I was in the 5th grade.

Ironically, when I was based in Chicago every time I was assigned a trip to South America, something happened like a delay, a cancellation, or some other operational glitch that I never made it.  Now that United and Continental flight attendants fly the same planes and the same routes--TOGETHER--there is a possibility that I could pick up a trip and work to South America and back.  Only at this point in time, I am not so sure I even want to go.

What I'm looking at now is not a bucket list of "things" I want to accomplish or experience before I die, but an inventory of what I have become in this life.

 I'm desirous that even a cursory glance of my life would show that I tried to be an authentic and consistent example.  That I provided support, love, and help to my children--though I was not ever generous with hugs or verbal "I love you!" phrases, I truly loved them and did the best I knew how at the time for them.  And that I taught the importance of values, tradition, and personal identity both in our family and as a child of God.  

Soooo...this is what is on my "bucket list" with my 73rd birthday on the horizon.

I hope my children would see me as having strived to live a life faithful to the gospel of Jesus Christ in spite of making mistakes.  A life in which I was an example of  some of Christ's attributes.  If my headstone could read: "She was a handsome woman", I would be happy.  That doesn't mean handsome in the way we think of physical looks, but a combination of personal traits that blended to make me a person with integrity of character.

I hope that my children could see in me a change over the years in my attitude and behavior. That my faith and my actions were not in conflict with each other.  A person in whom they could see a standard of someone whom they would consider emulating.  

I hope that they will be able to discern, not only that I tried to teach my belief to them, but also that I tried to become a model of what I taught.

I hope that my life would be a resource for them and for my grandchildren.  That they recognize I would have liked to have been their mentor and cheerleader, had they only let me be so for them even after they grew up.

Soooo...Number ONE on my bucket list now?  
NO REGRET AT THE END THAT I DID NOT LIVE A LIFE TRUE TO MYSELF.

"TO BE, OR NOT TO BE"....